Deep Breaths

So here I am, days after starting Madoc on a steroid inhaler, and I have to say I am relieved that she is better. That she is not coughing.

During this time I have been of two minds (1) I really don't want her on meds, and (2) I really need to figure out a way to gain some control over this situation. Because I get absolutely panicked when Mads starts to cough. I envy the other mums who can let their kids run around with snot hanging down to their knees and just say "he's building his immune system." For me, I never know how long it will take before Mads needs respiratory support or how serious it will be. And that feeling is a terrible, terrible feeling. And I realized that the steroids may offer a level of support I haven't had before - support that would keep Mads from going over the edge and needing antibiotics so frequently, or going to the hospital and needing lots of ventolin. So maybe that's better? At least it makes me feel a little better about our upcoming trips, because for someone who used to travel so easily, having a child with potential breathing issues certainly makes things more complicated. (I admit, I always know exactly how far away the closest hospital is when we travel)

Last night Mads came into our room and I swear her breathing was slightly shallow and faster than usual. And so, of course, I couldn't sleep. I just lay in bed listening to her breath. Trying to figure out if I should get her some Ventolin. Or if it was just in my head. Counting each inhalation. And then finally falling asleep next to her, when I had convinced myself she was alright and there was no need to panic. And of course this morning she is fine. And I'm weaning her off Ventolin so I can wean her off the steroids.

So what's the next step? We are going to have her tested for allergies. The way I see it, it will be giving us more information so we can be smarter. I am also going to enroll her in swimming to help strengthen her lungs. I am also researching diet as it relates to Asthma and airways. Reading up on medications. Researching allergy desensitization. And hoping above all else that she grows out of this soon.