Tuesday, August 04, 2009


I'm starting to understand why women have babies. Lots of babies. There is something absolutely intoxicating about having someone need you; really need you. Sure, it's exhausting, but there is also something about it that makes one want more. No, I'm not saying I want another baby - my two girls make me very happy.

About two weeks ago, Madoc decided to self-wean. Perhaps she sensed I was unable to make the decision myself, so she decided to take it into her own hands. The first time she pulled away from me it made me so sad. And it still makes me sad. We are down to three feeds (roughly) and at this point it is way more about comfort than anything else. After all the sacrifice (food, sleep, my body, my life), after putting my head down, gritting my teeth and nursing her through reflux, I definitely feel like I am missing it, missing her needing me. Of course I know she still needs me, and Chase needs me. It's just the realization that we're moving on to the next chapter - the part where Madoc is no longer a baby, eating solids, moving around.

I can certainly understand why parents freak out when their kids leave for college, when they get their own life. While at the same time, you want them to be their own person, have strong beliefs and live their own life. Being a parent is a crazy endeavor.

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