Mads (7.5 months) & Chase (3.5 years)

She is on the move. She loves to crawl across the floor. She loves to stick her hand in Taggart's water bowl. She can sit unsupported. She went in a swing for the first time today. She went down a slide (on her tummy, feet first) and was SO happy - happy out of her mind. When I took her off, she started crying. I put her back on - she stopped crying and started laughing. She's awesome.

Chase is having a hard time being 3.5 years old. There is a lot of drama. About everything. About food. About "boo boos." Everything seems to be whatever it is, magnified, times 100. If she is tired, then we are in for tears. Screaming. But then the sweet Chase returns. Eventually. Tired. And watching her in the meltdown process reminds me of me when I was little. Wanting to be good, but wanting to just scream. And so I let her scream. Until she doesn't want to anymore. And then I hug her, and tell her I love her. I tell her it's okay, not to worry and that I love her. I will always love her. No matter what.

Babies

I'm starting to understand why women have babies. Lots of babies. There is something absolutely intoxicating about having someone need you; really need you. Sure, it's exhausting, but there is also something about it that makes one want more. No, I'm not saying I want another baby - my two girls make me very happy.

About two weeks ago, Madoc decided to self-wean. Perhaps she sensed I was unable to make the decision myself, so she decided to take it into her own hands. The first time she pulled away from me it made me so sad. And it still makes me sad. We are down to three feeds (roughly) and at this point it is way more about comfort than anything else. After all the sacrifice (food, sleep, my body, my life), after putting my head down, gritting my teeth and nursing her through reflux, I definitely feel like I am missing it, missing her needing me. Of course I know she still needs me, and Chase needs me. It's just the realization that we're moving on to the next chapter - the part where Madoc is no longer a baby, eating solids, moving around.

I can certainly understand why parents freak out when their kids leave for college, when they get their own life. While at the same time, you want them to be their own person, have strong beliefs and live their own life. Being a parent is a crazy endeavor.

We Are Expecting...

to be an aunt and uncle in late January. No pics of the expectant mum or dad for now. Hoping to get a good shot over Thanksgiving or Christmas. I am betting he will be a boy.

We are also planning to welcome a little cousin in the Fall. No word as to the gender - yet!

Fingers crossed for Auntie Lockett/Uncle Courtney and Uncle Pat/Aye for safe, happy pregnancies.

Portland Trip

Just returned from our Portland trip. Had so much fun. Wish we were still there. Boo hoo.

Dad and Fern play with Madoc...














Mom and Chase played non-stop...














We caught up with my family...












Here's my cousin Sean holding Madoc...














Mom and Mads...












Yay Yay and Chase...












Yay Yay and Nee Nee with Chase...





























Hubs and Mads... awe...

Bastille Day

Today we celebrated Bastille Day.

Breakfast for Hubs was "french toast" made with a croissant (I can't pull off crepes with a 7-month-old...maybe next year). Chase and I made Pots de Creme (but I cheated and made a really simple recipe - same reason as above), which we decorated with strawberries and blueberries (like the French flag). We drew and colored the French flag, the Eiffel Tower and the L'Arc de Triomphe. And finally, we listened (and marched) to the French National Anthem. Oh, and I listened to a little Tour de France coverage on NPR. Quite a day!

Health...

So some more weird, health news, I just rec'd my cholesterol test results and my cholesterol is high, mostly due to my crazy high HDL (88), last time it was 90.

And in other news, I definitely turned into my mother today. Totally freaked out when I saw what Chase had made at Summer camp. Their *snack* today was a good sized cup filled with the following layers: 1) brownie, 2) whip cream, 3) gummie worms and 4) small marshmallows. The cup probably holds about 2 cups of water, so you can only imagine what it looked like as I jumped across the table and pulled it from Chase's chocolaty, whip-cream covered fingers. I totally lost my cool. I told her she could have five more bites and then she had to throw it away. (And yes, I said this in front of the other kids, whose parents were like - geez, over-react a little why don't you). Chase kept her cool, but it was a little touch and go there for a while.

I think I'll throw together some recipe ideas for their next "cool bites" camp. I don't mind Chase having treats, but I have a big problem with American portions.

Diabetes Scare

As if the Hep C scare wasn't enough, Hubs received an inaccurate blood glucose level reading from his doctor. We found out the next day that it was, in fact, inaccurate, but for 24 hours Hubs thought he might have Diabetes. Good golly. What a week.

Fear, Prayer, Love, Life

On the Fourth of July I heard a story on the radio. A story that has rocked my world for the past week. A story about a tech at Rose Medical Center, who injected herself, multiple times with a painkilling drug. She then filled the dirty needle with saline and put it back on the shelf. In doing so, she may have passed Hepatitis C to any number of patients who had surgery at Rose between October and April of this year.

Hepatitis C is a virus that effects your liver. There is a cure (for some), some folks kick it themselves, but others die from it. And there is an outrageous percentage of people who have it, who don't know it, because many people don't show any symptoms - and some, can live their whole lives and never know they have it.

Thing is, I was one of the 5,000 patients who had surgery there (I had a small thing done after Madoc was born).

I don't ever think I have ever been so scared in my life. Being told that you have a risk of being infected by a hospital you trust, exposed to a contagious disease, is no way to spend a week. I had dreams about tornadoes every night. I called my Grandfather, who I believe is the closest to God a man can get, and asked him to pray for me. I'm a big fan in preventative prayer.

And I received word today that I am clean. Thank God. Thanks to my Grandfather for his prayers, and for the prayers from my immediate family. I believe they helped.

I ask everyone who reads this to say a little prayer for the 4,999 people who touched by this, who are waiting to hear, who are dreaming about tornadoes. And I also ask everyone to take a minute and be thankful for everything bold and beautiful in your life.

It's Complicated.

I decided to wean Madoc this month. And then I changed my mind. I've worked so hard and come so far it's like I have a mental block against stopping; like I can't. But I want to. I want my body back - all to myself. Which strikes me as being so selfish. "C'mon woman, you can do this another5 months, right?" I keep saying to myself. It's only 5 more months. I've already given up everything for 6 months - and made all kinds of changes for the 9 months prior, so what's the big deal? I guess the big deal is that I've started to feel like I need to give myself a little tlc. I've been putting everyone first for so long. But then it's not fair that Madoc gets the short end of the stick. And so I will most likely continue. For Madoc - And because I am consumed with guilt that I want to stop. And so this post serves as a small window to show what goes through my mind. Daily. Hourly. I obsess about these things. And then I decide not to worry about them until tomorrow (very Scarlet O'hara) , but then I do.

Bottom line? Madoc looks great. She will do well either way. And I have the hardest time when I know the decision I make can not be reversed. I can't just take a week off. I can't even take a day off. And I need a break. But then, after the break, I know I will miss it. Somehow, I will miss ever last bit of it. I missed Chase the moment I realized I couldn't feed her anymore. So maybe I just won't make the decision today. Maybe I'll make it tomorrow.

I'm Getting Old

For the past week or so my feet have been tingling. My hands have been tingling. I've felt a weird, nervy sensation in my right arm up to my elbow. So I stopped wearing flip flops (good move, I should have done it ages ago), and I started wearing a wrist brace, and now the tingling is almost all gone - I know it's because I've been carrying around a small child for three years, walking in poor shoes (or no shoes around the house) and living with wood, slate and marble floors. Now with Madoc (and all that baby kit), I am really starting to feel it. My body, while probably in the best shape ever, can't keep up with all the twisting and turning. Standing, stooping, kneeling. I need a massage. Make that 365 massages. One for every day of the year.

That said, every ache and pain is worth it. My two girls are amazing.

Chase's New Song

"Madoc is a butterfly, Mommy is a caterpillar, and Daddy is a sock." Chase sang this song today. When she sang it a second time, she ended it, "Daddy is a spider." Too funny.

Chase's Room

Today we rearranged Chase's room, so that there is "more to do," in hopes she may decide to play a little when she wakes up - before coming into our room. We are also reworking Mads' room a bit as Hubs needs to add a closet (so it can be officially called a bedroom if we sell this house) and because Mads is going to be on the move VERY SOON, which means we need to childproof this house. Egads.

Chase's First Wish

Chase told me her wish today is to "go to the jungle for the first time."

Chase's First Prayer

Hubs put Chase to bed tonight - and said a prayer with her before bed. He told me later that he asked her what she was most thankful for; she said love.

Socks

"Chase, this banana smoothie is going to knock your socks off," I said.
"You are so silly, Mama," she replied.
Then she took a sip of her smoothie.
"Mom," she said, "my socks are still on." Looking at her socks.

Madoc/Reflux/Sleeping

I hesitate to write this, because it seems too good to be true ... but I think Mads is outgrowing her reflux. I can eat things like donuts and baked goods, as well as sample foods with seasoning other than salt, and it doesn't upset her, make her cringe, make her hold her breath, make her turn bright red, make her throw-up, make her gurgle or make her scream. So gluten is back in (except it makes me really gassy and I feel a little out of it after I eat it, plus I crave large quantities of it after the slightest nibble - weird). Tomorrow morning, I am going to try miso soup, to see if she can handle the soy. From there, I will try something with dairy and see how that goes. The strange thing is, I have totally lost my taste for dairy. I genuinely miss soy. I don't, so much, miss dairy (except good cheese).

The not so great news? Now she is teething. And while she is the happiest baby on the planet, I can tell those teeth are really hurting her. She's trying to be a good sport, but they HURT! I suspect the night waking at this point is more about her teeth, than about reflux.

Dance, Dance

One of the brilliant things about Denver is that as soon as the Summer arrives, Jazz in the Park begins (a series of free jazz concerts on Sunday evenings by the boathouse). All shapes and sizes are represented in the Park - it's a great place to people watch - and the music is fabulous.

Tonight Chase danced and danced. Madoc watched, taking notes about how to spin and twirl. And Hubs and I enjoyed a little picnic. What a lovely way to wind down the weekend.

Tomorrow Chase starts her second month at camp (the first month went so well!)

And on Tuesday I go to see a foot doctor who should hopefully be able to tell me why I have tingling in my feet (could it have something to do with carrying an extra 30 lbs and wearing flip flops?) . I've been wearing my old running shoes over the past two days and it's made a huge difference. I can't believe I have foot problems in my mid-30s!

Madoc At 6 Months

6 Month Check-Up:
- Weight 19 Lbs (90th percentile)
- Height 27 3/4" (97th percentile)
- Head 17 1/2" (92nd percentile)
- 2 bottom teeth
- sits without support
- pushes up like it's no big thing
- into everything she can grab (and she grabs everything)

We love you, Mads!

Cutie Pie

This morning when I dropped Chase off for school, she did a full blown "I love you" - which means a kiss on each cheek, followed by an Eskimo kiss, followed by a big hug. All of the kids looked at us like, "where is my mommy?"

When I picked-up Chase, her cheeks were bright red and she was sweating from running so hard. I love to see her like this. In a full sweat. With a smile on her face. I love it. Love it. Love it.

The camp counselor said to Chase, "good bye cutie pie," as we left (holding hands).

A couple minutes later, she said to me "Mommy. Some people here think I'm a pie."

WAY TO CUTE.

Beautiful Baby

Mads, you are already turning heads. You get compliments every where we go. "What a beautiful baby," people say. "And what a beautiful big sister," they say to Chase. "Wow, two gorgeous girls." I just wanted to note it in your keepsake, girls, because you are both stunningly beautiful and will continue to turn heads - so best get used to it! Love from your Mama.